I have a good friend Lindsey, who asked me to do a special project for her. She has had two still born babies, and asked me to paint a "peaceful picture" of them together. I wasn't really sure what to think, I obviously wanted to do something for her, but this? I hadn't picked up a paintbrush in years, not for anything of this significance or magnitude. And on top of my lack of skills, I had a fear of inadequacy. How can I possibly portray what she's looking for? I cannot create the feeling she is looking for etc.
But I said I would do my best, and I tried to damped all expectations. This is what I came up with. A picture in my mind of what a peaceful world they are in right now, together. Little Oliver holding his sister Paris.
She didn't know it at the time, but was inspired to ask me to do this for a reason. I truly feel this was no accident. I have had my share of miscarriage and loss, but I have never had to deliver sleeping babies. I have never had to endure that pain.
Not only did this cause me to get my paint brushes moving again, a part of me that had gone dormant since having children, but this project gave me a renewed gratitude for my children. I became grateful for the noise, because it means they are with me. I became more grateful for the laundry, because I have healthy kids who can play hard and dirty it. I am grateful for the pitter patter of little feet at my ankles, because it means they are here with me on this earth, and want to be around me. I am so incredibly grateful for my wonderful kids, who teach me so much more than I teach them. They make me better every day, and although I'm no where near a perfect mom, I try my best, and always try to do better. I want to do my best because I believe they deserve better than me, and I want to live up to what they deserve.
So I owe my friend Lindsey a lot. She needed something from me, but I was the one who really got the prize in this exchange.
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